Telling Tales Out of School
Do you have a bag of leads?
You probably do if, like me, you’ve collected an assortment of gadgets and associated paraphernalia over the years, ranging from computers and their accessories, to other audio and video devices. Their connecting leads, along with those attached to microphones, headphones and the ubiquitous plugs for charging, make up the contents of my ‘bag of leads’.
Now: have you ever tried to untangle your bag of leads? It’s not the sort of thing you can do on-spec. It must be planned – ideally into a lengthy period of time off work – a sabbatical, perhaps – so you have sufficient time to extract each length of cable that’s elaborately intertwined (possibly actually ‘woven’) with its bedfellows (or ‘bagfellows’ if you will.)
I only mention this because I’m trying to write my first novel at the moment, and the best description I can muster to describe the frustration and difficulty of planning the narrative structure is ‘untangling a bag of leads’.
Actually, make that snakes. Because as soon as you think you have a grasp on it, the ruddy things (I use much stronger adjectives when I’m mid-grapple) seem to take on a life of their own and throw up even more fiendishly difficult challenges that you hadn’t hitherto considered.
“But he can’t yet do x, because his wife’s sister hasn’t yet told him about y, and he needs to know about that first, otherwise the entire reason for visiting z is rendered completely illogical.”
Please don’t think I’m naive; I knew this was going to be a huge challenge. Writing a novel is one of those undertakings that should be approached with a great deal of trepidation. It’s deceptively easy to commit to. You see the thousands of titles in bookshops and think ‘why not me?’ in the same way that wannabe singers sit watching X Factor declare that they’re going to become the biggest star in the galaxy – not realising they’ll most likely only get to audition for Simon Cowell’s third under-assistant because they have about as much star quality as a Ford Mondeo.
I am really putting everything into learning how to do this, though. I have 3 ‘how to write a novel’ books on the go, along with regular subscriptions to 2 writing magazines and regular advice from fellow writers. And I’m amazed at the amount of stuff I don’t know about how to write a story: basic stuff that you’d think would be part of any learning programme that includes story-writing.
What a shame that I’ve never undertaken any learning experiences that involved writing stories. Oh, apart from – let me think – MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD AT SCHOOL!
I cannot believe that at no point during my education did anyone think it might be useful to introduce the basics of story-telling!
As a result of my schooling, I do have a very good grasp of the English language, for which I’m very grateful. But come on! Over the past couple of years, I’ve had to learn about protagonists and antagonists, inciting incidents, mid-points and entire chapters of other stuff that I could have done with knowing years ago!
It’s not like we weren’t asked to write stories. I even wrote a book when I was 11. It was called ‘Tommy and his Mates’. I don’t think it was a particularly fine example of English literature, but I designed a damned fine cover with staples and felt-tip colouring and everything. If only I’d known about dramatic structure! I could have had a film franchise by now, complete with ‘Tommy and His Mates’ merchandising and god knows how many positive reviews on Amazon. Instead of sitting here grappling with textbooks and Microsoft bloody Word.
Still, I think I’ve found a technique that seems to be working, at least for now. I’ve always known that I’m not one of those writers who can make up the story as he goes along; I’d have written myself into a corner in minutes. So I use a spreadsheet to plan out the development of the story, including the involvement of the characters in each scene. That way, I can follow dramatic consequences from one scene to the next and ensure everything is consistent and logical. It may sound a bit too scientific, but it’s the only way that seems to work. Once that’s down, I can then concentrate on making the prose lively and engaging without worrying about hitting any dead-ends. I’m pretty sure that once the planning bit is over, it will actually be quite liberating. That’s the idea, anyway.
And if it doesn’t work? Somewhere in the attic, there’s a box containing some old school-work. Tommy may get to ride again!
With his mates, of course.
Share gazuky:
The Writing Bag
I have a writing bag.
If I’m intending to spend any significant chunk of time writing, it will usually be away from home. I find I’m able to focus much better if I’m away from the distractions of the telly, laptop and fridge. I also enjoy writing in different environments; it becomes a part of the process. So I need a bag to transport my writing tools with me.
As my creative time has become more precious, I’ve started to realise that the content of the bag has become more important to the process. Sometimes, I need ideas. Sometimes, I’m lacking inspiration. And of course, I also need the basic tools for the jobs – which now includes drawing as well as writing.
So, choosing what to put in the bag has become an exercise in smart thinking. What are the fewest items I need to cover both inspiration and productivity? Yes, I know that I can have everything I need on an iPad, but I only find technology helpful in specific ways. The physical presence of a book or a card is a thousand times more effective than just another page displayed on a screen.
What’s great is that it works. And just in case you like the idea, here’s what my bag currently contains (details underneath):
The writing bag contents!
The Pot Boiler – a book by Spike Milligan
I love Spike’s work. He loved what he did, and it shines through his work. From simple sight gags to nonsense poetry, his material is best described as ‘simple genius’. A true inspiration.
‘No rules. Just write.’ – a free sampler from the Teach Yourself series of books. I love this because it’s packed with tips and is very light to carry.
Notepad – themed with Andy Warhol‘s work. This is a great little book that has diary pages, to do lists and note pages. I list everything I’m working on in here, and set target dates for all my projects. I also use the diary to make sure I’m booking onto events – like the Writer’s Toolkit in November – that will inspire me.
Notepad – A4 from Paperchase. I’m using this to write the first draft of my novel. It goes everywhere with me. It’ll probably be the first time ever that I use every single line of a notebook. I find it much, much easier to write in this rather than on an iPad or computer. I’d be gutted if I lost it.
Drawing pad – square from Paperchase. All of the cartoons are drawn in here before being imported onto an iPad for completion and colouring. The paper is very good quality.
Autobiography of Jacob Epstein – hardback, bought off abebooks.co.uk. Jacob Epstein is my favourite sculptor and has become even more so since I started reading about his life. This copy is 72 years old!
Van Gogh-themed notebook – my go-to book for writing down and expanding on ideas. This is my favourite book to write in, and usually results in some useable stuff.
Raindrops postcard – I just like the design of this. And it’s useful to have a card to just pop in the post to someone.
Art postcard – ‘Crash Head’ by Eduardo Paolozzi. Paolozzi’s sculptures are bonkers. This card came from the Pallant House Gallery in Chichester. It’s not my favourite of his works, but it makes me think of the others of his that I’ve seen.
Comedy Fix zine – it’s important to carry around at least one example of a project I’ve seen through to the end, so so that the evidence is there that I can do it!
John Clare postcard – a reminder that poetry can be serious and beautiful, and not just comic. This card came from a John Clare exhibition at Peterborough Museum.
Lizz Lunney postcard. Lizz’s creations always make me smile, and remind me that I should be aiming to up my game in the drawing stakes!
Greetings card – Gemma Correll. A reminder that simple ideas, when brilliantly executed, can and do sell.
Just a Note – ideas notebook. Hardly used, as I mostly use the Warhol book for quick ideas, but I do love the brand – yourstrulycards.co.uk
Blank notecards – for general use.
Sketching pencils, artist pens, writing pen, iPad stylus, eraser and sharpener – essential tools!
Oh yes – and finally, this is the bag. (Guess who was a teenager in the ’80s…):-
The writing bag
Do you have a writing bag, or does technology provide everything you need?
Share gazuky:
NaNoWriMo is for life – not just November.
If you don’t know, NaNoWriMo is an annual month-long event for November where anyone who aspires to write a novel can try to complete one in a month. Yes, I know. A month. It’s ‘take-out-a-payday-loan’ crazy. But it attracts a lot of participants world-wide, and many of them actually achieve the 50,000 word target within the month.
But not me.
I tried it in 2011 and managed a paltry 8000-odd words. To achieve the target, you need to write 1667 word per day, every day. I think I did that for the first two days. By the last day of writing, I was down to about 300. Which is more like writing a long shopping list.
I thought at the time that my failure was down to having to fit my writing into the few spare hours I had after work – time when I would invariably be tired and only fit for watching telly or falling asleep in my dinner.
But that story was never going to reach 50,000 words because it only had the structure and the potential of a short story. I could probably have carried on for another 2000 words, but there was no way it could be stretched further. The whole thing was doomed from the start.
So, fast forward to this year. A new start. A new story. And the benefit of previous experience and knowledge. My total for the month? 7000 words. Bleugh.
But then again, maybe not. Because this time, at the end of my 7000 words, I’m still setting up the plot and establishing the characters, which puts me firmly in Act One. And that’s where I need to be for a novel.
What I’ve also noticed when writing for this attempt is how useful it is to have two or three story strands moving simultaneously. You can write segments – almost like mini-dramas – where the action leads up to a very minor cliff-hanger – (a step-hanger? No.) – and then changes to an alternative scene. This is the style used by Armistead Maupin, who wrote the ‘Tales of the City’ series. The story alternates between the personal and working lives of the main characters, which overlap and then tie up later on in a meaningful way.
So despite the reduced word-count, I don’t feel that this NaNoWriMo attempt has been a failure. In fact, I’m carrying on and intend to finish the first draft of this story, even if it takes me another few months. On the current rate of progress, the earliest it will be finished is March, but I’m hoping that the Christmas break will give me plenty of opportunities to bring that forward.
Share gazuky:
The Writers’ Toolkit 2014
On Saturday, I attended ‘The Writers’ Toolkit 2014′, a conference for emerging and established writers in the West Midlands region who want to improve their writing. ‘Writing West Midlands’ is the literature development agency for the region, and is the organising body behind the annual event.
The day consisted of 2 keynote speeches and 16 workshops on specific writing-related topics. These were streamed into 4 slots, so each delegate could choose 4 of the 16 to attend. Each workshop used a Q&A approach after a short preamble from the invited guests – usually two to a workshop, although the host also tended to have something to offer the discussion and so contributed too.
After listening to the opening speeches from Jonathan Davidson – the Chief Executive of Writing West Midlands, and Catherine O’Flynn – who won the Costa First Novel Award in 2007, I stayed in the main auditorium for the ‘Agents and Contracts’ session, hosted by Catherine Clarke – agent at Felicity Bryan Associates, and Bernie Corbett – General Secretary of the Writer’s Guild of Great Britain.
Here, I received an insight into the role of an agent and the nature of their relationships with writers, as well as useful advice on approaching agents and negotiating the contract mine-field. Membership of the Writer’s Guild would seem to be very worthwhile once you get to the point where you are offering out scripts and receiving offers of work – and writers yet to be published can join for an annual membership fee of £100.
Key advice from session 1: research a particular agent you wish to approach, and make sure your content is as good as it can possibly be.
For session 2, I chose ‘Writing for Radio’, which may as well have been called ‘Writing for Radio 4’. Producer Rosie Boulton did her best to encourage us to consider ‘other routes’ into writing for audio, but there were few specifics, and I don’t think many in the room were convinced that ‘digital content’ could yet be seen as a viable alternative – and certainly not as a substantial source of income. Shaun McKenna – who is regularly commissioned by BBC Radio, painted a rather bleak picture of comnmissioning bottle-necks and flakey decision-makers. It made me wish that Radio 4 had at least one private competitor to force it to get its act together. But it wasn’t all doom and gloom, and there was some very good advice about the commissioning process.
Key advice from session 2: Radio plays need a strong, tantalising hook to get a producer’s interest. Considering interactivity and digital content would earn you bonus points too.
Session 3 was my favourite session, and was called ‘Writing as a Second Career’. The session benefited from having two speakers who had trodden diametrically opposite paths into writing. AJ Cross is a crime author who had never wanted to be a writer, and had written her first novel without a clue as to how to go about it. Andy Killeen had wanted to write since childhood, and had studied the subject academically before developing it as a career. Both provided rich veins of advice too detailed to go into here.
Key advice from session 3: a memorable line from AJ Cross – ‘You have to write it wrong before you can write it right.’
Session 4 was ‘Making the Internet Work for You’, and was probably the session I expected to learn the least from. However, it has proven the most useful, as it has reminded me of many of the ‘rules’ of social media that I am failing on spectacularly, prompting me to spend most of today reviewing accounts and strategies so I can make the most of the tools available to me.
Key advice from session 4: avoid blatant self-promotion in favour of being part of a conversation.
The conference was then closed by Sathnam Sanghera who advised us to ‘not put books on a pedestal’, followed by a second turn by Jonathan Davidson, who does a fine line in tea-towel gags. The entire event was an excellent example of where Arts Council funding can make a real difference to participation and success in the arts. The venue was Birmingham University, which was a superb choice – spacious and comfortable.
I look forward to the next Toolkit in 2015.
Share gazuky:
Two Months of Nothing
Is it November already? Shocking.
My reason for not posting in weeks is that I’m employed in education, which means that September and October are ridiculously busy. Planning lessons requires a certain amount of creativity, so there’s been none left for my own projects. Still, I think the creative break has done me good (although work is likely to continue to disrupt for some weeks yet.)
So – two months of the year left, and one more project to launch before Auld Lang Syne. This one’s going to be a slow-burner, but needs to start somewhere, so I think December 1st is as good a date as any. I can’t say too much about it yet, as I need to make some final decisions on format and content, but it will be based online this time, so everyone can join in the fun.
I’m also thinking about doing a Christmas podcast, but that might just be a project too far.
Oh yes – I ended up signing up for none of the courses listed in my September 1st post – and I’m glad I didn’t. I think I knew I needed the break, so I should learn to trust my instincts.
What I should really do to increase my productivity is to stop driving to work and get the train. I spend 2 hours a day going up and down the M5, which is completely dead time (not to mention cash-sappingly expensive.) Getting the train would provide an opportunity to write AND save on petrol. But I’m addicted to my anti-social cocoon, and kid myself that it’s useful thinking time. This is patently not so, as the concentration required to drive safely is way above the level that allows your mind to wander such as it might on the train.
I also need to fit in an hour of exercise every day too. Exercise does actually help me think, but because I exercise on the home-gym, I end up distracted, sitting on the weights bench running through plot-lines or character traits, and before I know it 10 minutes has passed and I’ve done absolutely nothing.
So I need to find regular writing time in my day. Early morning is a possibility, but I’m already out of bed at 6am, so it’s very much a remote possibility. I try to exercise between 8pm and 9pm, which leaves 9pm-midnight – which is also the time I’m most tired and therefore most likely to just waste time on Facebook, YouTube etc.
But – that really is no excuse, so 9-11pm it is. No more taking work home – I think two months of that has been more than enough. And as for abandoning the car… well, tomorrow is another day.
In other words, sod that.
Share gazuky:
The Library of Birmingham
I never thought I’d get excited about a library.
I know I’m seen as ‘bookish’ by some, but I tend to only read through necessity; if I’m actively trying to avoid creative endeavours, for example, or am researching something specific.
Libraries are generally more of interest to me as places to write. The now empty Central Library, a concrete monolith opened in 1973, was an ideal writing destination, even though it was sometimes difficult to find desk-space. On its upper floors, there was usually an atmosphere of productivity and industry, as row after row of students sat in front of dimly-lit work-spaces. Like its stock of old books, it was tatty but functional.
I’d always plan a visit to the library for ‘serious’ writing.; that is, a stint of several hours, uninterrupted by phone calls or texts, the ambient music and chat of coffee shops, or the myriad of distractions that present themselves at home. Central Library may not have been pretty, but it allowed me to get the job done.
I’ve missed the library since it closed its upper floors earlier this year, and so had been keen to get a first look at the new library to discover whether it could improve on an environment that had served me so well since moving here in 1996. Modern architecture for public spaces has learnt from the mistakes of the past, and is generally built to higher standards than 30-40 years ago. It can, however, lack ‘soul’ – which is an accusation I’ve often heard levelled at the new Bullring. While there can’t be many people that would truly want a return to the Bullring of the 1960s, there is something about the new Bullring that lacks ‘humanity’. Perhaps it is too sterile-looking to engender feelings of affection – pleasant enough to pass through, but providing little of interest that makes you want to adopt it as your own.
So, what of the new library? Does it have a soul?
Absolutely.
There are so many words to describe it. ‘Big’ would be the first one I’d use. Followed by ‘welcoming’, ‘unique’, ‘vibrant’, ‘inspirational’, and simply ‘awesome’.
This is a library for people. Want to relax and read a book? Find a comfy chair and lose yourself in the pages. Want to use the Internet? Log onto a computer or use the free wi-fi on your own device. Want to sit and write? Go to any floor, find a desk, admire the views and write. Want to chat with friends over a coffee? Visit the library coffee bar or ground floor cafe. Want to get some air? Sit in the secret garden. Want to experience city heritage? View art? See a show or a presentation? Hold an event? Borrow a CD? Practice piano? Browse a film archive and watch in comfort? Borrow a book? Or even download one?
Study spaces are functional, plentiful and well-positioned. There are surprises around every corner. Where public buildings are concerned, this is as good as it gets. The Library of Birmingham deserves every award that is coming to it, because it is a masterpiece of modern design. What used to be a car park has now replaced the Ikon Gallery as my favourite destination in this great city.
Birmingham has made a lot of mistakes in its past. It looks like it’s now getting things right.
It’s definitely ‘rewriting the book’.
Share gazuky:
Disappointed.
The results of the Sitcom Mission have just been announced, and out of 185 entries, I didn’t manage to make it into the top 32.
It’s always disappointing when you don’t make the grade, and I’m definitely gutted after the initial feedback I was given was so positive. I also worked really hard on a substantial rewrite, and had set myself the target of at least making the last 32.
I really could have used the confidence boost right now, having taken the plunge to put on a show myself. Any kind of professional recognition has eluded me so far – I’ve had nothing accepted by the BBC, and haven’t progressed in any competitions as yet. The self-belief I have – that I’m not deluding myself like some wannabe X-Factor contestant – comes from reactions I’ve had from fellow writers and from audiences both live and on the web.
But I knew that my name wasn’t going to appear on that list tonight.
Success seems to only happen for me when I don’t expect it. The jobs I really want are never the j0bs I get, and…
OK, I’m going to stop there. Self-pity isn’t an attractive quality, and I’m old enough and wise enough to recognise when the few beers I’ve had while waiting for tonight’s results are starting to have their rotten, negative effect.
I certainly learned a lot from the experience. My next script will be better. The show is coming on well, and there’ll be a new blog over the weekend with news of its progress.
In the meantime, I should probably be glad that I can concentrate 100% on the show in July, with no sitcom-writing distractions.
And I suppose I should be proud of the fact that, rather than waiting for someone else to tell me I’m good enough, I’m putting myself in the spotlight and submitting myself to the scrutiny of a live, paying audience. Which, though I say so myself, takes balls.
Hey, who knows! Maybe that’s my route to success.
Share gazuky:
Getting It Together
This week is my last week of pulling ideas together to make a coherent script for the live show on July 19th. By the end of this week, I hope to have a script that runs over 50 minutes, and that has plenty going on to keep an audience entertained and laughing. I’m getting there.
At the moment, I have a mish-mash of ideas and script that simply isn’t detailed or funny enough to form the final piece. I’m not stressing about it not being funny enough – more ideas will come from the script read-throughs – my main aim at the moment is to get a workable structure to the piece so that there is enough going on, and the piece holds together in a logical and coherent manner.
It’s really important that I get any big set-pieces sorted out in the next week, because I’m going to need clearance for any pieces of commercial music that I might need to use. At the moment, the only piece of music I’m using is royalty-free, so there are no issues to consider there, but I may need to use the themes from Top Gear and James Bond. It’s difficult to do an entire show without any commercial music at all.
Props-wise so far I need a specially-printed T-shirt, a period costume, two tables and a hostess trolley. Oh, and a pair of bespoke comedy glasses that I’ll need to make myself.
I’ll also be performing a rap, which is written, and which I’ve been busy learning, both in the car and at home. To make it as funny as possible, I need to also learn a dance routine to do while rapping, but there is one drawback to that – the rap is pretty full-on, with very few spaces for taking breaths, so any vigorous moving about leaves me out of breath and unable to rap! So basically, I also need to get fit before opening night too. Talk about suffering for your art!
There are quite a lot of lyrics to learn for the rap, which is why I’ve started early. I will have to know it back-to-front, because the pace of it is such that if I hesitate on any line, I could lose my place and screw up the whole thing. I might see if there’s a stand-up slot I can practice it in before the big night.
So – it’s writing week! Lots to do – and more updates later in the week.
Share gazuky:
In the Tradition of Tupac and Biggins.
I’m writing a rap.
It’s for the show I’m putting together in July, and is going to be performed in character. By me.
The thing is, it’s rather long. And complicated. And I need to learn it. By July.
Now that’s quite a while, but having written it and attempted to perform it while reading it off a sheet of paper, I now realise what a gargantuan task I’ve set myself.
The rap lasts for three and a half minutes and includes within it three ‘lists’, in a similar tradition to the Beloved song ‘Hello’. Each list is different, which means a lot of learning. Plus the rap is quite fast, so there’s not much thinking time.
Now this would be enough of a challenge, but I also need to perform a silly dance routine at the same time. Which is actually more difficult than learning the lyrics, despite it being about as complicated as one of Pan’s People’s routines on an off-day.
So, I need a strategy, which is as follows:
1. Record the music – with me rapping the lyrics – onto a CD, and play it in my car.
2. Repeat endlessly. (I have two-hours of commuting time per weekday.)
3. Once the lyrics are successfully embedded, learn the dance.
It can’t fail. Although I might actually drive myself insane in the process. And I will have to remember to stop the CD from playing should I need to give a lift to someone. Although avoiding the embarrassment of other people hearing it might be a little pointless considering I’M GOING TO BE PERFORMING IT LIVE ON STAGE.
Add to that the small matter of remembering the script for the rest of the show, and you can see the challenge ahead. Which I would normally describe as being a pant-wettingly terrifying prospect, except for one thing:
I’m loving every moment 🙂
Share gazuky:
Bad Blog Post!
This is a very, very bad post! Because I absolutely should be writing comedy, not writing a blog on how well the comedy-writing is going. Oh well – I’ll get this out of my system and get back to it.
It’s been a productive week. The contract for the theatre hire for the live show has come through, and so I now have a date to work towards. It’s scarily close. There is a huge amount to do. But, from a viewpoint of 9 weeks away, it is all doable.
There is a small problem with the contract, in that the name I’d chosen for the show is identical to the name of a company that’s in the same business as the one I want to spoof. When I picked the name, I wanted it to be as naff as possible, and so didn’t give a second thought that someone might actually have used it in reality. I could probably get away with it, except for one thing: the company in question is based in Edinburgh – the very place where I hope the show will eventually be performed! You couldn’t make it up (although I did).
My water-proof pad (see previous blog post) is proving its worth. I now have three pages of ideas that would have dissolved into the ether had it not been for the opportunity to write them down in the bath. In theory, you can use the pad under-water, but I’ve not tried that yet. Although it’s comforting to know that, should I ever think of a cracking comedy idea while snorkling in the Atlantic, there’ll be every opportunity to write it down.
So – what am I writing at the moment?
As well as brainstorming ideas for the show, there are two set-pieces that I am trying to finish early, because they will take a lot of perfecting to get right.
The first is a rap that I will be performing during the show. If that’s sounds potentially painful and cheesy then great, because that’s exactly where the comedy will be coming from. Because not only is it a rap, it’s a ‘disco rap’, with actions to accompany it. I have the accompanying music track, and have the first two minutes of lyrics – just the last minute or so to write. Once it’s all written, I’ll do a rough recording on CD and then put that, along with an instrumental version, into the CD player in my car. A month or so of singing along to it while driving should embed the lyrics nicely and firmly into my brain. Which is great because it means no extra effort required as there is a hell of a lot of it!
The second is a short film that I need to get produced for showing on-screen during the show. This was Jonny’s idea and follows on from some regular slots on our ‘Comedy Fix’ podcast where I voiced some imaginary black and white footage with a Pathe news-style voiceover. This time, it’ll be aimed at encouraging young people to be safe drivers.
Apart from these two elements, there’s still a huge amount to do, although the show is gradually taking shape. The pace needs stepping up, though, without a doubt. Two more weeks until the final script is due.
I’m on it!
gazuky.com 