Christmas TV: Not As Good As It Used To Be?
1974 vs 2014
There were only 3 UK TV channels forty years ago, in 1974. One of them, BBC1, was the natural home of Christmas viewing. But with stretched budgets and increased competition, is it still the case? Let’s compare, hour by hour, BBC1’s offerings for Christmas 1974 and 2014:
9-10am
1974: A traditional start: the end of ‘Carols from Canterbury’. Then we have ‘Camberwick Green’ and ‘Cartoon Christmas Box’ with some stories told by Peter Ustinov. A very Christmassy start – 7/10.
2014: ‘The Gruffalo’ is followed by ‘On Angel Wings’ – a reworking of the nativity. Kids love ‘The Gruffalo’. I reckon this is a tie – 7/10.
10-11am
1974: A Christmas Appeal for the National Deaf Children’s Society, followed by Christmas Morning Service from a small village near Glasgow. Worthy programming, following the traditional theme you might expect in the early 70s. 7/10.
2014: ‘Come and Join the Celebration’ – A Christmas morning service for all the family, with popular carols and ‘contemporary songs’. Hmm. I can see this being presented by someone from the One Show in a desperate attempt to fulfil the religious remit without scaring the horses. Not convinced. 5/10.
11am-12pm
1974: Here we go with some typical ‘70s light entertainment: ‘A Stocking Full of Stars’ featuring Showaddywaddy, Basil Brush and someone who’s currently in prison. It probably went down quite well at the time. 4/10.
2014: Only Fools and Horses – Christmas Special from 1986. Even though it’s a repeat, I’d rather this than music from the Bert Hayes Sextet. Which is probably very unfair. 6/10.
12-1pm
1974: Laurel and Hardy in ‘Way Out West’. A classic, and some good laughs for Christmas. 7/10.
2014: Wallace and Gromit’s Grand Day Out and another animation: Gnomeo and Juliet. Wallace and Gromit are Laurel and Hardy in clay. 7/10
1-2pm
1974: ‘Holiday on Ice’. Oh dear. This sounds a bit low-rent. Filmed in Zurich, it sounds like an hour of very cheap television. 5/10.
2014: Shaun the Sheep and BBC News. Shaun wins hands down. 7/10
2-3pm
1974: Top of the Pops with Abba, Charles Aznavour and David Essex. But alas, it’s presented by you-know-who. And Tony Blackburn. 4/10.
2014: Top of the Pops, presented by Reggie Yates and Fearne Cotton. Whereas in 1974, one of the presenters was a criminal, now it’s just the music. I think I’d rather watch the 70s version, but with the tracksuited one edited out. 3/10.
3-4pm
1974: The Queen, followed by Billy Smart’s Christmas Circus. Oh dear. One mark for the Queen. 1/10.
2014: The Queen, followed by Puss in Boots. Much better. 7/10.
4-5pm
1974: Movie: True Grit starring John Wayne. This movie was 5 years old when it was shown here. Still, there’s something nice about an afternoon movie, even if it’s not particularly Christmassy. 5/10.
2014: More Puss in Boots, then more news. There’s a 24-hour news channel, BBC! How much news do we need at Christmas! There’s not been any yet in 1974! Obsessed, you are. 3/10.
5-6pm
1974: Still the film. 5/10
2014: Christmas Strictly! Always sparkly for Christmas. Despite doddery Brucie.8/10.
6-7pm
1974: Bruce Forsyth and the Generation Game! And 1974 sideburned Brucie trumps 2014 doddery Brucie every time – so an easy 9/10 here. How has he managed to be on TV at virtually the same time 40 years apart!? Quite remarkable.
2014: Doctor Who. With Father Christmas. Meh. It’ll be popular, but will it be good? 8/10.
7-8pm
1974: Some Mother’s Do ‘Ave ‘Em. It’s Jessica’s First Christmas – and Frank gets to star in the play. ‘Some Mothers’ was always great value, with lots of slapstick. 8/10.
2014: Miranda. Looks like the schedulers have taken inspiration from 1974! Is Miranda better than Frank Spencer? Not quite, I would say, as it is paying homage to same. 7/10.
8-9pm
1974: The Mike Yarwood Christmas Show. The only guest star listed is Max Bygraves, but it could have been worse. I guess Mike Yarwood played all the rest. Yarwood was always a little bit low-rent compared to Morecambe and Wise though. 6/10.
2014: Call the Midwife Christmas Special. Quality stuff from the Beeb. A 21st century win. 8/10.
9-10pm
1974: Movie: Bridge on the River Kwai. Quite an old film to be putting on at Christmas, BBC. I’m sure you could have done better. 5/10.
2014: Eastenders. It had to appear somewhere in the schedule. Like the weed that wouldn’t die. Do we really want this grimness on Christmas day? I’d rather watch Alec Guinness. 4/10.
10-11pm
1974: Still the film: 5/10
2014: Mrs Brown’s Boys. Not my cup of tea, but a bit of a laugh for Christmas night. 6/10.
11pm-midnight
1974: Parkinson takes a look at Morecambe and Wise. Alas! 1974 was the only year with Morecambe and Wise at the BBC when there was no Christmas show. Instead, Parkinson interviewed the duo, interspersed with clips. Still essential viewing, though. 8/10.
2014: Michael McIntyre’s Christmas Show. Sorry Michael – you’re no Eric Morecambe. 5/10.
So, which TV viewers have got it better? My totals are:
1974: 86/150
2014: 91/150
So there you have it! This year’s festive telly from the Beeb is better than it used to be! You’ve never had it so good! Tell yourself that when you’re peering at Mrs Brown’s Boys through a haze of Advocaat-induced nausea.
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Gawd Bless the BBC Licence Fee
Did you know that here in the UK, we need a licence to watch television? Yes! It’s because of that pesky BBC place that insists on making quality programmes independent of the need for commercial profit.
Well, today I experienced a rather delightful benefit of the licence fee – a free workshop laid on by the BBC to educate screenwriters in the art of good storytelling (and a lot more besides.)
The talk was given by Henry R Swindell of the BBC Writersroom (no apostrophe – it’s ‘branding’, sweetie) which is a department of the BBC tasked with developing writing talent rather than actually making shows. Submission windows are opened periodically through the year for writers to submit scripts for consideration and potential feedback from the Beeb itself. A few lucky ones get invited in from the cold, so long as their scripts are good enough.
According to Henry’s figures, the odds against developing a potential working relationship with the BBC are 100:1 against (per submission window.) Out of 2000 submitted scripts, 200 are read further than the 10-page cut-off, and of those, around 20 get invited to the Beeb for tea and scones, and a chat with some producers. They’re the ones who are most likely to get something on screen. At some point. Although it may not be with the BBC. And there are no guarantees.
The talk itself was 3 hours long, with a 15-minute break. It was interspersed with video clips from the archives to illustrate specific points, which worked very nicely.
I made 10 pages of notes, so I’m not going to go through every piece of advice given – but here are some highlights:
Format: Don’t attempt to direct from the page. Leave it to the director so set up camera shots. Just say what is happening, and leave the lighting, angles etc to the director. Phrases like ‘we discover…’ are useful, rather than ‘pan to..’
Story: Get it going straight away! This backs up the feedback I had from my Sitcom Mission submission. I reckon there are loads of scripts sent in where very little happens, or there is no story to speak of. People are sitting around not doing very much. The audience needs to be dropped into the story when something interesting is going on.
Character: Give the protagonist a ‘save the cat’ moment. You can learn about that in this book, which is a must-read apparently.
Emotion: Vulnerability is key. And you don’t need big Armageddon-style events to create big drama. If it’s big for your characters, then it’ll suffice.
Structure: Show, don’t tell.
Expression / exposition: Be clever in hiding exposition within the dramatic action. Cut shoe leather – in other words, cut the ‘hellos’ and ‘goodbyes’ of real life and cut to the chase.
The final couple of points were inspirational, reminding us not to write what we think the BBC wants, but to write what excites us. Hopefully that excitement and passion will then excite others, and achieve success.
It’s not easy to keep an audience’s attention with PowerPoint slides and a few clips for 3 hours, but the session was so stuffed with useful information, and delivered in such an engaging way, that it was well worth travelling 40 miles for.
One observation I must make is that there seem to be some writers who seem unable to grasp the freedom that they have. A couple of questioners – and I’m generalising because I’ve experienced this elsewhere too – asked Henry whether “it would be alright to…” – and then proceeded to ask permission to take a decision that was purely creative. On at least five occasions, his answer was ‘That’s up to you.’ I think people are in such awe of the creative machine that is the BBC, that they think they make up the rules for “what’s acceptable in writing” on a global basis. In reality, the opposite is true – I was very pleased to hear the extent to which they won’t nit-pick over script formats, for example. The message came through loud and clear – they just want scripts that are GOOD!
Apparently, these talks are regular occurrences, so keep an eye on the Writersroom minisite in case there’s one happening in your part of the country. The one I attended was at The Curve in Leicester – which is a very nice space and worth a visit if you’re in or near Leicester. Here’s their Tweeted pic of the audience. I’m the handsome chap in the middle (!)
Oh, and great news for trees, and for those of us who hate Post Office queues: e-submissions are coming in August!
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Worth a Look?
I love discovering comedy that was ‘before my time’ and so when I saw a DVD of Harry Worth the other day, I had to buy it.
‘Thirty Minutes Worth’ is a sketch-based series featuring Harry always in his same, bumbling persona. As the opening titles roll, we’re treated to a couple of ‘quickie’ sketches, after which Harry emerges from behind a Morecambe & Wise-style curtain with a stool, and does a short monologue to camera.
The settings for the sketches that follow are varied – a Star Trek spoof, Harry visiting a sick friend, Harry getting locked out of his house with a neighbour, and so on. All of them feature Harry being Harry, and all of them feature Worth’s trademark, which is the sort of daftness and confusion that made Frank Spencer so popular, albeit without the slapstick.
The series was made by Thames, and it’s here where alarm bells started to ring when I first pressed ‘play’ on the DVD. ITV comedies, particularly those from the 70s and 80s, were often weakly written and a mere shadow of their BBC counterparts. There were exceptions of course – ‘Rising Damp’, Kenny Everett’s Thames show and, if you liked your humour bawdy, ‘On the Buses’ also had its moments – but overall, the standards were low.
I’m sure that someone must have written a book analysing why the BBC managed to get it so right with comedy while the ITV companies got it so wrong. Contemporary to this series of ‘Thirty Minutes Worth’ were ‘Dad’s Army’, ‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus’ and ‘Are You Being Served?’ – all top BBC shows which proved that material could be produced then that still amuses today.
Unfortunately, ‘Thirty Minutes Worth’ does not stand up well today. While Harry himself does his best with the material he has, the writing is just too weak to raise many laughs at all. Over-long sketches bumble on, with the audience laughing weakly, until the clock runs out and the sketch ends, often with little or no pay-off.
It’s still good to see Harry’s persona that, in his heyday, must have delighted audiences. Glimpses of his magic can still be seen – there are some wonderfully inventive ideas in some of the sketches, and his word-play is often extraordinary, but it falls flat much too often to sustain the show.
How sad that his earlier shows are missing, and we are left with recordings of a man who is past his best and is not being well-served by his post-BBC employer. All I knew of Harry Worth beforehand was his signature arm-and-leg-in-the-shop-window gag. I can now appreciate that he offered much more than this, only echos of which can be glimpsed in this series by Thames.
‘Thirty Minutes Worth Series One (1972) – a Thames Television production released by Revelation through Fremantle Media.
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