Your (slightly late) weekend audio celebrity update from topicalpish.com and gazuky.net

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

If you enjoy the show, please leave a comment – or email gazuky-at-cleverlittlepod-dot-com

Comedy

Your weekend audio celebrity update from the makers of Clever Little Pod.

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

If you enjoy the show, please leave a comment – or email gazuky-at-cleverlittlepod-dot-com

Your weekend audio celebrity update from the makers of Clever Little Pod.
This week, sad news about Herbert Russett, a new British invention, and Gordon Ramsay’s latest project.

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

If you enjoy the show, please leave a comment – or email gazuky-at-cleverlittlepod-dot-com

Your weekend audio celebrity update from the makers of Clever Little Pod.

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

Email the show! gazuky-at-cleverlittlepod-dot-com

Your weekend audio celebrity update from the makers of Clever Little Pod.

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

No celebrities have done anything remarkable today.

If you don’t believe us, switch on ITV1 for confirmation.

Sharon Osbourne has revealed how she hates soup. The wife of bat-biting superstar Ozzy Osbourne told how she was put off the food for life when she discovered an eyeball in a bowl of Scotch Broth. “It was staring at me from in-between the carrots”, shrieked the X-Factor diva. “Thank god Ozzy was there”, she went on, “otherwise it would have gone to waste.”

Leonardo Di Caprio is fed up with crazed female fans wanting to recreate his famous ‘King of the World’ scene from ‘Titanic’. “They come up to me in the street and demand we do it”, says Leonardo. “I have to point out that unless they have a large ocean-going liner with them, it’s really not going to work.”

Tess Daly has revealed the secret of her husband Vernon Kaye’s brilliant white smile. “I apply one part of Tippex with two parts of Dulux brilliant white matt emulsion to his teeth with a pastry brush”, admits the Yorkshire beauty, “and then finish them off with a coat of beeswax. It works a treat!” However, she denied rumours that special light filters have to be attached to Family Fortunes studio cameras to protect viewers eyesight, saying that the free sunglasses provided in TV Times offer sufficient protection.

Time for another 90 seconds of celebrity news you couldn’t possibly live without.

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This site will be updated with these features throughout the week:

Mon - Spotted!
Tues - Heinous Hearsay
Wed - Celeb News
Thurs - Heinous Hearsay
Fri - Other News
Sat - No Update
Sun - Audio Update / Podcast

If you’re like me, you probably can’t bear to miss a single microgram of news about our celebrity cousins, which is why we’re bringing you Topical Pish audio updates at least once a week! Hosted by Justin, they’ll bring you bang up-to-date on who’s in, who’s out, who’s up, who’s down, who’s on top and who’s on cable channels presenting Diamonique bangles.

Click the button below, or download direct here

Good morning to you.

Thanks to a rather indiscreet lady who last night took quite a liking to my monocle, I can exclusively reveal who will be getting gonged in the New Year’s Honours List (or should that be Lust – ho ho!) a full 6 hours ahead of the official announcement!

Here are my revelations:

Russell Brand is knighted for services to the condom industry.

Paris Hilton receives an MBE for services to comedy.

Sir Richard Branson receives a second knighthood, becoming ‘Sir Sir Richard’ for services to Cheltenham Spa, Birmingham New Street, and London Euston.

Justin Lee Collins becomes an MBE in an attempt to make him look respectable.

Steve McClaren is knighted for services to the turnip industry.

Vernon Kaye becomes a CBE for services to autocue manufacturers.

And Mrs Enid Witherington – a cleaner from Stoke – becomes an OBE for services to the justification of the honours system.

Who do YOU think should have been honoured, and why? Comment away, dear readers!

Yours,
Tuppy