Topical Pish

Your weekend audio celebrity update from the makers of Clever Little Pod.

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

Email the show! gazuky-at-cleverlittlepod-dot-com

Which politician is so dull he sent his entire entourage to sleep on a train up to Manchester, forcing them to spend thousands on cabs home when they woke up in Abergavenny?

John Travolta playing ‘Top Trumps: Commercial Airliners’ with Richard Branson.
The Edge pricing up SodaStreams in Comet.
Gyles Brandreth running barefoot along Kensington High Street.

No audio update today. Podcast returns next week.

Kanye West enjoying a Mini-Milk on Clacton Pier.
Toby Anstis browsing in the Sawtry branch of Timpsons.
Ruth Madoc zorbing just outside Bridgend.

Your weekend audio celebrity update from the makers of Clever Little Pod.

Download here or click the play button below to listen.

No celebrities have done anything remarkable today.

If you don’t believe us, switch on ITV1 for confirmation.

Which professional footballer is now so tattooed, his bed-sheets act like blotting paper when he sweats?

Sharon Osbourne has revealed how she hates soup. The wife of bat-biting superstar Ozzy Osbourne told how she was put off the food for life when she discovered an eyeball in a bowl of Scotch Broth. “It was staring at me from in-between the carrots”, shrieked the X-Factor diva. “Thank god Ozzy was there”, she went on, “otherwise it would have gone to waste.”

Leonardo Di Caprio is fed up with crazed female fans wanting to recreate his famous ‘King of the World’ scene from ‘Titanic’. “They come up to me in the street and demand we do it”, says Leonardo. “I have to point out that unless they have a large ocean-going liner with them, it’s really not going to work.”

Tess Daly has revealed the secret of her husband Vernon Kaye’s brilliant white smile. “I apply one part of Tippex with two parts of Dulux brilliant white matt emulsion to his teeth with a pastry brush”, admits the Yorkshire beauty, “and then finish them off with a coat of beeswax. It works a treat!” However, she denied rumours that special light filters have to be attached to Family Fortunes studio cameras to protect viewers eyesight, saying that the free sunglasses provided in TV Times offer sufficient protection.

Which foul-mouthed chef is so desperate to be on telly, he was seen plucking a pheasant on CCTV at the Coventry branch of Boots?

That’s ‘plucking pheasant’. Unlike his language…