Good morning to you.
Thanks to a rather indiscreet lady who last night took quite a liking to my monocle, I can exclusively reveal who will be getting gonged in the New Year’s Honours List (or should that be Lust – ho ho!) a full 6 hours ahead of the official announcement!
Here are my revelations:
Russell Brand is knighted for services to the condom industry.
Paris Hilton receives an MBE for services to comedy.
Sir Richard Branson receives a second knighthood, becoming ‘Sir Sir Richard’ for services to Cheltenham Spa, Birmingham New Street, and London Euston.
Justin Lee Collins becomes an MBE in an attempt to make him look respectable.
Steve McClaren is knighted for services to the turnip industry.
Vernon Kaye becomes a CBE for services to autocue manufacturers.
And Mrs Enid Witherington – a cleaner from Stoke – becomes an OBE for services to the justification of the honours system.
Who do YOU think should have been honoured, and why? Comment away, dear readers!
Yours,
Tuppy
